Fear

I remember that I've once written 'brave' to describe myself on a job application form. I used to tell people that I'm a brave one when they asked me to talk about myself. However, subconscious of mine knows that, I'm a coward, and that's the reason I try very hard to be brave.

I don't know why and where this ability comes from, I realized that I can read minds. Maybe, I should say this way, I can be observant enough if I want to. It's not a good thing to me, it made me feel disappointed to humanity sometimes, when I found out people are telling lies and being fake. Eventually, I chose not to read them and tried to believe that everyone has their own strengths. I chose to believe that human beings are born to be kind as I'm fear to see their evil sides.

That's quite common to be fear as that's the weakness of humanity. I want to survive and live in this world as long as I can, so I need to beat the fear.

I've gone through a few times of accidents when I was a kid, I cried every time I got injured. My mom told me it won't stop bleeding no matter how long you cry. The solution is to do something that can heal the wounds. Hence, I just learned to enjoy the healing process and remember the lesson.

There's once I fell down when I went hiking, I thought I would die. But I didn't. I was afraid of height but I knew that I must overcome it, so I tried very hard to face it.

I had a very happy relationship in 2008, but it only lasts about 18months because of the distance. It was the toughest period in my life. I got depression and always wanted someone to accompany me, but I knew nobody would ever keep accompany me forever. I was afraid to be alone, and so I tried to complete everything alone. I knew that if I want to survive, I gotta be independent and take good care of myself even I am alone.

I guess everyone is afraid to be hurt, so do I. I rarely tell people about myself and I wouldn't show them how I feel as well. Just to prevent myself from being hurt. However, it didn't make any changes and somehow I found that being hurt helped me to grow. It sounds a little weird, I enjoyed being hurt sometimes as I know I'll grow and learn something new after that. Some of the bad experiences were killing me, but I just didn't want to be knocked down by that. The only thing I can do is to accept it and make myself to be stronger from the lessons.