The Worst Day of the Year

This is the worst day of the year and I rarely get into this kind of mood.

It was basically my own fault that I forgot to tell John I was home. I was having a very bad migraine and immediately taken medicine after shower. I still keep replying him while I can and fell asleep after a while, until late night.

I saw his message and whatsapp, I knew he got worried and I just replied him that I was fine but just fell asleep. I went back to sleep as my head was still so painful. He replied ok, take care. Damn me. I knew he was not okay at all. Sigh.

We didn't talk much yesterday and seriously I felt so down the whole day. Bang a wall as I accidentally stepped on the accelerator. It was really a bad day. Sigh.

Woke up with tears while reading his text, saying that we are not on the same page and he was so worried about me but I couldn't understand about him when he couldn't contact me. I really feel so bad when I know he cares about me but I really not doing that purposely. I didn't mean to make him to get so worried. Probably, he feels insecure as he doesn't see me putting any effort in this, that I never called him and I never asked him out. It's just something that make me hesitate and dare not to move any step further.

I just don't want to make him feel too sad when he knows the truth.

I can't deny that he already occupied a space in my heart even I tried so hard to avoid, but I just think that I can't be so selfish and just hang out with him whenever I like, but hurt him at the end with the mistake I have done. If he is not a kind person, I wouldn't have to be so suffer of being hesitate.

I'm so sorry John. You probably won't be so confused and suffered if I could tell you earlier.



Love,
Jessie