Happy Birthday to Us

It has been so long since the last post. Have not been free to update for about 6 months.

Gone through a lot within this period, learned a lot of things which I never thought about it when I was single.

Single is good, but now I understand why Taylor Swift said ' Two is better than One'. We learn different things and we learn more things. That will be a super long story if I have to tell, hence I decide to skip it and just share a few pictures here, as a record and as a memory of us.

December 2014

April 2015

This world map means a lot to me.

My biggest dream is to travel around the world with you, we take care of each other, we protect each other along the journey, and we love each other until we die.

Love, 

Jessie

Fear

I remember that I've once written 'brave' to describe myself on a job application form. I used to tell people that I'm a brave one when they asked me to talk about myself. However, subconscious of mine knows that, I'm a coward, and that's the reason I try very hard to be brave.

I don't know why and where this ability comes from, I realized that I can read minds. Maybe, I should say this way, I can be observant enough if I want to. It's not a good thing to me, it made me feel disappointed to humanity sometimes, when I found out people are telling lies and being fake. Eventually, I chose not to read them and tried to believe that everyone has their own strengths. I chose to believe that human beings are born to be kind as I'm fear to see their evil sides.

That's quite common to be fear as that's the weakness of humanity. I want to survive and live in this world as long as I can, so I need to beat the fear.

I've gone through a few times of accidents when I was a kid, I cried every time I got injured. My mom told me it won't stop bleeding no matter how long you cry. The solution is to do something that can heal the wounds. Hence, I just learned to enjoy the healing process and remember the lesson.

There's once I fell down when I went hiking, I thought I would die. But I didn't. I was afraid of height but I knew that I must overcome it, so I tried very hard to face it.

I had a very happy relationship in 2008, but it only lasts about 18months because of the distance. It was the toughest period in my life. I got depression and always wanted someone to accompany me, but I knew nobody would ever keep accompany me forever. I was afraid to be alone, and so I tried to complete everything alone. I knew that if I want to survive, I gotta be independent and take good care of myself even I am alone.

I guess everyone is afraid to be hurt, so do I. I rarely tell people about myself and I wouldn't show them how I feel as well. Just to prevent myself from being hurt. However, it didn't make any changes and somehow I found that being hurt helped me to grow. It sounds a little weird, I enjoyed being hurt sometimes as I know I'll grow and learn something new after that. Some of the bad experiences were killing me, but I just didn't want to be knocked down by that. The only thing I can do is to accept it and make myself to be stronger from the lessons.

Rainbow after the rain

Yea, I feel so grateful and thankful for the blessings from God and his kind forgiveness. 

The night I cried myself to sleep was so terrible. I was not just feel upset, but my heart felt painful as well. Perhaps, we have built a kinda strong friendship before these, I just felt so guilty and afraid to lose him. Fortunately, he is willing to forgive me. I don't know how to describe how it feels, but millions of thank you, to him, for his kindness and love.

As I have mentioned before, he's such a busy guy with tons of works everyday. No matter how busy he is, he always try to make time for me. Now, I know how to differentiate sincerity. Those who love you sincerely will make time for you, no matter how busy he/she is. He always place my safety on the top of priorities. I guess I can understand why girls are going after him, as he is really almost a perfect guy. 

Although he always scold me (politely, he gets worried to be true) that I trust people easily, and told me not to trust him completely as well. I don't know why, I know him not long indeed, but I just feel secure whenever he is around me. He's like a dad, a brother, a teacher, a best friend and a boyfriend as well. 

We spent half day together yesterday. Had lunch at Queensbay and met his sister and bro-in-law. I really like Jean's smile, so beautiful. I can't wait to see her baby. :) hehe. We just went for groceries after lunch, Now, I realized that shopping for groceries can be so happy one. It makes us know each other more actually. Followed him to his shop lot which is still under renovation, no matter where he went to, he just check on me every 5 minutes I guess. I haven't met anyone so caring before, I'll try my best to reduce his worry, as I really wish to see him live freely and happily everyday.

We spent time to watch a movie 'Dear John'. It supposed to be a romance movie but somehow we just laughed at it. Coincidentally, there were so many similarities on us and the story. He just sat beside me, and I felt really comfortable and secure. Felt like a princess chewing the digestive biscuits while  watching the movie. Hehe.

Left his place for dinner around 8pm at sushi king, he was not feeling well. That's the first time I realized that I would feel worried for someone after so long. I guess work and business stressed him out, so his blood pressure is going up and gastric keeps on attacking him. If time can be borrowed, I will just give all my free time to him, so that he can sleep well. Sigh.

This fella always look at me. I felt like pinching him already.

Dear John,

I know you will read this, but this is not everything. I wish, I can tell you more in person one day.

Don't laugh!! Don't smile!! Cause I can't see it now. >.<

With love,

Jessie

The Worst Day of the Year

This is the worst day of the year and I rarely get into this kind of mood.

It was basically my own fault that I forgot to tell John I was home. I was having a very bad migraine and immediately taken medicine after shower. I still keep replying him while I can and fell asleep after a while, until late night.

I saw his message and whatsapp, I knew he got worried and I just replied him that I was fine but just fell asleep. I went back to sleep as my head was still so painful. He replied ok, take care. Damn me. I knew he was not okay at all. Sigh.

We didn't talk much yesterday and seriously I felt so down the whole day. Bang a wall as I accidentally stepped on the accelerator. It was really a bad day. Sigh.

Woke up with tears while reading his text, saying that we are not on the same page and he was so worried about me but I couldn't understand about him when he couldn't contact me. I really feel so bad when I know he cares about me but I really not doing that purposely. I didn't mean to make him to get so worried. Probably, he feels insecure as he doesn't see me putting any effort in this, that I never called him and I never asked him out. It's just something that make me hesitate and dare not to move any step further.

I just don't want to make him feel too sad when he knows the truth.

I can't deny that he already occupied a space in my heart even I tried so hard to avoid, but I just think that I can't be so selfish and just hang out with him whenever I like, but hurt him at the end with the mistake I have done. If he is not a kind person, I wouldn't have to be so suffer of being hesitate.

I'm so sorry John. You probably won't be so confused and suffered if I could tell you earlier.



Love,
Jessie

The One Sitting Opposite Me Now

Alright, I'm doing nothing now while sitting in front of my laptop just to accompany someone to do his works.

The one sitting opposite to me right now has a very common name, BUT, he is totally a unique guy.

At the moment, I just want to write down what we have done together today, as I'm very forgetful but somehow I wish to keep the memory.

He is a very busy guy, works as a Business Financial Analyst and running his own business at the same time. He had a really rough day yesterday, woke up in the early morning like 5.30am and had a few meetings until late night. He asked me out today in the early morning as well. At first, I thought we were going for breakfast, but at the end he brought me to Penang Hill for sunrise. He is just like knowing me very well, but we actually met 7 weeks ago, while we are like knowing each other for 7years. I like to go anywhere close to the nature, watching sunrise with cool air and breathtaking scenery is really awesome!! The last time I watched sunrise on top of the hill was 5years ago.

I only remember I gotta send mom to temple to pray when we were half way to breakfast. And then, he just offered me to take along my mom and send us back later. He's not having a lot of free time I know, but he just wanted to spend his time with me. He purposely bought the biscuits for my mom and brought us for Baskin Robins and then lunch.

Eventually, I really wish that I can do something for him and I don't know since when I feel like doing something for him. He once told me that, when he is stressed out, he wishes to talk to someone, or having someone being there for him, even she is not doing anything at all, just simply hope that someone is there when he works or study. Hence, that's why I'm here. I'm not having nothing to do as well, but at the moment he asked for my time, I just felt like to accompany him, even I know that I got nothing to do.

We haven't talked for almost 2 hours, simply just he is doing his works, and I'm sitting here to surf the net and writing this blog. I've never do my works together with a guy like this. I think I wouldn't like this kind of dating if it happened 5 years ago, but now, I kinda enjoy it. Probably, people change from time to time, and eventually I prefer a steady & stable relationship nowadays which is not as dramatic as the previous one.

I don't know how things will go, anyhow, I really wanna say thanks to him as he makes me feel so special.

Happy reading.



Jessie

A Gentleman

I used to watch TVB dramas since my 6 and I found the gentlemen in the drama charming. As time goes by, I grown up and realized that the reality is always different from the dramas. That were really just dramatic stories when I look at those guys around me, including my good friends.

Perhaps, we were still young and guys don't know their roles yet. Blame no one, but time. Lol.

8 August 2014, I met a guy who is the good friend of my friend. The first impression about him was, he is shy. Lol. Honestly, I just find that a shy guy (introverts) is cute!! Perhaps, I'm a lil psycho as I like to tease them intentionally. hahaha.

We had dinner together with another 2 friends and went for a movie and played in Escape Room as well. We left the place around 1am and he walked me to the parking place. I didn't expect him to walk me there seriously, as that's not the culture in Penang. That impressed me a lot.

We hung out for dinner again the following week, I arrived at the place first and he came later with Melvin. Jasmine was on her way, and this guy went out from the restaurant to wait for Jasmine even he was starved already. He was waiting out there for around 10 mins until Jasmine arrived at the place but she was kinda unhappy. Probably guys in this place dont do that and Jasmine found it unnecessary for him to do that. However, I personally think this guy is really a kind person as he thinks for others. It's not obligated for him to starve himself and wait for the girl actually, pity him.

He is the most gentle guy I have ever met. A mature kind of gentleman who is being nice to others without expect anything in return.

I'm proud to have this friend, really.

Escape Room

Hello guys!! I'm back after a month!! It was a busy month of July as my besties came back from Singapore and I have promised her to reserve all my free time for her.

Anyway, I'm back!

Let's share something still new with you guys.

Penang has actually not many things to do other than exploring the cafes in town.

One of my friend invited me to try Escape Room together last Friday and we just went after movie. Let me tell you guys, it's Chinese July now (Ghost month), and we entered the escape rooms at 11pm until 1am!!!

Hell yeah! That sounds crazy right?! But it was quite fun.

Fortunately, we have John de investigator!! Pro skills weih.... Well done!

Jasmine cried halfway as she has been freaked out by the bloody women & probably Jelvin scared her cause he got shocked and shouted as well.

And I was just being so noob in the rooms as my brain frozen and I was actually, scared!!!!! T.T

John, Me, Jasmine & Jelvin (Melvin)

                                            The posers!! Haha.. Jasmine looks so serious!

Look! Jelvin is gonna shoot Jasmine down.

It was a fun night actually, met the two new friends and they are really nice & fun.